There is indeed much suffering when we cling to greed, hatred, fear, blaming. When we can find peace, a sense of contentment in the midst of a world full of violence and contradictions, we can be more like the mountain, accepting the unpredictabilities of life.
The weather changes, and we cannot control it. People, even those dear to us, keep changing too. Can we find in our hearts a place to be patient, mindful, kind, and generous?
Can we listen to one another without offering advice, just being present with compassion for what another chooses to share with us?
With a friend I journey this weekend to Eugene to join with other Birth Mothers for the bi-annual Retreat OA&FS offers to their birthmothers. We meet as strangers, and maybe our only common ground is being women of all ages who have surrendered a baby in an open adoption. It takes a certain courage and openness to do this, to let go a newborn baby we've carried in our wombs. Some of us get very attached to this child, and some don't.
Motherhood is a bumpy road for most of us, but to watch another person or couple raise the child we carried requires a certain detachment, a true letting go of what our culture expects from us. Family members don't always get it, friends often judge our choice, many folks who have seen friends adopt realize what a gift we have given to a new family who may not be able to conceive a child, yet their yearning is very real to become parents.
My intention is to listen to the stories of the other mothers, and to share my own too. To be part of this special tribe of women who are all needing comfort, acknowledgment, loving kindness. For in the early years especially, the pain of this conscious choice can be very deep. For me it certainly helped to have a relationship with the new parents that meant I was included in Lara and Meagan's life, with twice a year visits when they were young. Pictures continue to help, now from the girls in their lives in Chile and Argentina on Facebook. We rarely see one another in person now, so the relationship has changed, as is true for many adult children who choose to live far from the homeland where they spent their childhood. From the time we wean a baby, that child is beginning to have her or his unique life, one parents cannot foresee or have much influence over. We do our best, and continually have lessons in letting go. Life is like that. We have our personal preferences, but often others make choices we cannot understand, or appreciate.
I feel blessed to have discovered Open Adoption and Family Services offered a shelter, a place where this option could be explored, and now more counseling is available for all parties. Many states still don't deal with open adoptions, leaving adopted kids often unable to ever connect with birth parents. I am blessed to be part of a pioneer movement in this arena. I am blessed to still be alive despite many challenges, and able to watch my grown daughters, as well as sons, grow and thrive, face their own challenges, and make their own choices. Time now to prepare breakfast and ready for this next chapter of my life. Blessings to you all!
