Tiger, Tiger

In my dream you came, standing before me, stopping my descent.  Would you care to speak to me, let me know why you came into my dreamspace?
   My species is now endangered as never before.  Because of man's greed there are few places in Africa or in India where I can exist in the wild.  You are sensitive to the demise of innocent creatures across this planet.  You need to be very careful if you want to live with another person.  You need someone patient, supportive toward your writing, willing to give you a room totally your own.  It is possible another FP would be good for you on your home front, someone not into confrontations, not quick to feel threatened and hide his or her feelings.  You need someone capable of being open, and able to explore their own dark as well as bright sides. 
  I weep as I write.  Am I to be alone?  Tell Great Spirit you wish a partner now, not someone driven by lust, greed, selfish motives for being near you.  Honor your pace, and priorities truly imp to you, such as friends you can trust, exercise that invigorates you, people who encourage, not deplete you.  Be at home wherever you are, and trust your love is felt  more than you now realize.  You do need support, and this class about change is excellent for you.   Enjoy tiny adventurous moments, close to home, and the Eugene trip will be a good break and chance to travel, and be with kind folks.  Curtis isn't a big priority for you, but his friendship can still be supportive.  Call on me at a later date; I will come.

Good to swim again!

It felt special to actually swim again, in a most uncrowded Y.  And play a bit of basketball with a kind young man-just the shooting baskets part!
     Glad to have Elizabeth's upbeat presence, and watch Sleepless in Seattle with Ann and Ella.  Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan go well together.  Grateful to have friends I can count on, folks who really care and are glad to be with me even when I'm having a tough time.  Glad to mail in 3 poems yesterday to the Sibella Contest; if I am meant to share another year, it shall happen!

Saturday 4/14

Today began overcast and rainy, but after the constellation w/ Emily, the sky was blue and I took a short nap in Clay St. Park.  Met a new friend, Gemma, and I have a feeling we'll do somethings together; felt good to talk with someone brand new and interested in my life too!  What I learned from the constellation is it felt good to have the closure of a big hug with mom, and realize she wanted me in an overwhelming way when she was pregnant with me, and I am so grateful she not only gave me the gift of life, but did her best to be a mom I could count on, even with her work demands.  She is at peace, and me too, with her death, and in some ways, we can be closer when we choose, for the challenges of her last years alive are now over.  As I represented Chad's grandpa, I realized I have a gift born of my experiences of helping make death more comfortable and acceptable when someone is near the end & anxious about dying.  I can help the living with their grieving, and the dying with moving on w/o the load of guilt or misgivings.  My hart can be open to whatever needs to happen.  That is a gift!  I ate more wisely today, taking along a veggie burger for a snack.  Proud of my self-discipline!

Good things on Friday the 13th of April

Katie's upbeat help, good phone visit with Keziah re. I do march to my own drummer, not sore after English Country Dancing, good structure for class on Embracing Change, more rain for our watershed.  It is ok to miss the afternoon antidepressant.  it's good not to feel I have too many should 's!
   I like doing this on-line and being able to look back on where my life is working.  As Keziah  said, more fun stuff, less frustration will reduce depresssion, and I have a gift for expressing myself in writing, and correcting myself when I do make a mistake.  I don't need needy people or pets in this time of my life; there are genuine losses that come with aging, and I can accept them with grace and humility.   There are pluses to not having to need a roommate or pay for home repairs!