Can I live with the not-knowing?

Can I live with so much not knowing, so much change as I grow older?  The  ocean above is calm and inviting, but it can be full of storms and turmoil.  My daughters already have gone where I have never been, trusting each step  to be an exciting new adventure.  Last  summer Taryn was so affectionate  and talkative, and now her sister Eliza, to be three this summer, is asking  questions, curious about everything.  It's hard to live so far from loved ones.  
   Too much on my slate right now.  A  time to slow down, trust more,  fear less, for I am weary, and change can seem too much when my faith wavers.  I weep, not even  sure why.  So many dreams have died, and one would think I'm experienced in letting go, in facing discouragement, disappointment, learning  to live alone when I still hunger for companionship.
  Today it  felt like a quiet whisper from the warm wind tickling my feet through the  bedroom window.   "I am with you, Carol, you  are not alone  at all.  You just get impatient sometimes,  and don't be so hard on yourself when this happens.   Trust the night sky is with you as you sleep this night.  Tomorrow shall be a new day, a new beginning.  Rejoice and be glad you  do have friends you can  count on. " Not-knowing means being open to possibilities instead of set in old ways that aren't working right now.  Imagine this golden cord connecting you with the Divine; let it ground you and comfort you.  See the present as a gift, for when you are too busy with others, you have no time to write, and that is one of your gifts!  Sleep well and welcome the darkness!

RMBL, summer 2001, when  Neal  and Jeff returned to their summer stomping grounds, such a part of their early years.   They were special years for you  to grow strong in  the high country too!