A Part of my Soul has been missing

A part of my soul has been missing since I gave you both to your new parents.  In your  eyes and your passion  for life, I see parts of me that I would  like to have back again; that faith in life, that zest for being alive in this time on this planet.   Giving you away was an unthinkable loss that has never been understood by anyone, and  here I am , 70  years old, a woman in  her crone years.  A lovely woman shaman  has come into my life to help me retrieve the part of my being that was lost when I loved you dearly and deeply for nine months,  then knew I needed to let you go and be raised by  parents who could give you the life I could not.  No one was available to offer me the comfort and grief counseling I needed,  just as was true for my mom when she lost my dad in World War II; maybe a part of her soul disappeared with that lost.  We may never know for sure.
    I am grateful I'll be continuing to get the counseling I've needed to feel whole and healthy in my own psyche, my own body.  Sometimes blessings take a long time in coming.  You've both been a blessing for your parents, for me,  for so many people.  I  am ready to gently take the time to reconnect, reunite with the part of my soul that has been missing all  these years.   No one  is to blame, and I have no regrets to have chosen Linda and Warren to be your parents.  The tears I've held inside for almost three decades are beginning to flow in earnest.  The healing has begun.  Perhaps this needs to happen  before I am ready to write a memoir of the difficult and courageous decision a woman  faces when she consciously gives up her newborn child or children.   Slowly the pieces of the puzzle are coming together, and for this I am feeling grateful and blessed.  Love moves in mysterious ways!  May our story, your stories  and mine as well, be an inspiration to others in  the years to come.